My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize