i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
