census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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