I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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