i think i have two assholes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize