Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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