ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
