guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
