If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
