I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
