Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
