Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
