My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
