And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
