she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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