I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
