I hate your face
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
