What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
