Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
