the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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