Yo dont text me then not text me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
