I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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