it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
