the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize