Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
