Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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