Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
