SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
