How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't think brook has ever known best
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize