this beer tastes like vomit already
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
