Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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