I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize