Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
