if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
