dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
