Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
