The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
