I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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