WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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