Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
