he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
