Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize