No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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