So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize