I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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