We're like a lot better than the average bears
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It all started with a game of naked twister.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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