I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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