Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize