No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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