On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
