i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You pole danced in your parka.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
