He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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