i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
