is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
