Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
