Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
