there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
