what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
