So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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