I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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