we have officially lost it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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