I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
