took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
