i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize