I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize