And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
