So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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