i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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