Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
