Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
