he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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