Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
