What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
