I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
