she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
