Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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