totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
