Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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