Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
