There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
