question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize