my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
