Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
