So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
