Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
