I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
