i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
