If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
