So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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