every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Text me some of your sweat
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
