Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Congratulations! We have a period
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