It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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