i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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