East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
