Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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