chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
