i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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