I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize