I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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