Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
