I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
