there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
